Monday, November 14, 2011

Love & Hate

Tomorrow we go into the hospital for Round 2 of Chemotherapy. I decided I have a strong love/hate relationship with chemotherapy. Love, because it is shrinking my child's tumor and killing the cancer cells. Hate, because it is killing a lot of other things in his body.

Chemotherapy attacks and destroys any rapidly dividing or regenerating cells. Those would include the cancer cells, but also the lining of the mouth, taste buds, hair cells, lining of the stomach, tear ducts, and bone marrow. I'm sure that there are more to add to the list. That is why hair falls out, tastes and cravings change, nausea and throwing up occurs, and why patients get anemic and have no immune system.

Last Thursday Xavier found one of Case's hair on his shirt. Xavier sadly said, "Oh no, not yet!" I thought it was certainly too early for that and that it was a coincidence. Then later, when nursing him, I found the crook of my arm covered in hair. So I ran my fingers through his hair and came away with about 10 hairs in my fingers! So since then he has steadily been losing his hair.

It breaks my heart. I was dreading this and it kind of slapped me in the face. I wasn't ready for it. He's definitely not bald yet, but he has lost most of the long hairs on top. I know people always think that he didn't have that much to lose, but it doesn't matter...he's my baby and he's losing his hair! He actually had quite a bit, but his hair is the same color as his skin and you just can't see it unless you're upclose.

So along with the good comes the bad. But along with the bad comes the good. We're just taking it as it comes, because that's all we can do! I definitely have my really hard days, but there are also really good days. So here's to another round of shrinking that darned tumor! Cheers...

14 comments:

  1. Oh I just want to give you and Case a big hug. Reading this our hearts are aching for you. All of our love, prayers, and thoughts are with you tomorrow and every day.

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  2. Hey Em, I'm so sorry not to be there to help. Know that we're think about you guys and little Case. I'm shocked at he great he looks in these pics! Esp the cookie monster smile! I'm keeping him in my prayers. Love, Holly

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  3. I just cried when you told me about his sweet little white hair falling out! It makes it so real and tangible. But like you said, we have to remember that while the chemo makes his hair fall out, it is also killing the tumor and that's our goal. So we will focus on the positive with lots of hope and faith! We love that little guy!

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  4. My heart hurts for you guys. Thoughts and prayers for Case today...
    Love, Jess

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  5. Emily- I've been thinking of you and your family and little baby Case a lot lately. My prayers are with you as you start round 2. xoxo

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  6. After chemo, half my Mom's head of hair grew back curly-the other half remained straight! We laughed about that for a long time. You gotta look for all the silver linings. We are praying and sending good thoughts your way.

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  7. What a very moving post Emily. I imagine that these conflicting emotions really take a toll on you and X. We are sending extra thoughts and prayers your way today. xxoo

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  8. Just caught up on all of your blog posts. Thank you for sharing. You are so articulate and reading this allows me to really feel a piece of what your family is going through. Thank you for being such an example of faith and strength for us all! I was so happy to see you guys at church Sunday and hear Case's strong voice and see his beautiful smile:) Our love and prayers are with you all as well:) Love, The Gorgueiros

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  9. Just wanted to let you guys know we are praying for all of you.
    Love,
    Goodrich Family

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  10. So sad. Sweet baby. Ben said a tender prayer for baby Case tonight. Sending you lots of love.

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  11. We've been thinking of you and your family and little Case. Hope all went this week. It is inspiring to see your strength and faith through your posts about this heartbreaking trial.
    love to you all,
    ashley (erin's sister)

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  12. Hope that this week went well and the the first round proved to be the hardest and you're on the mend already! Love you guys and think and pray for you daily.

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  13. Nice post. I also saw more info about hairs
    Why Hair Falls

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