As one can imagine, there are days when it is hard to keep my spirits up. For the most part, I try to live each day as just another day. But there are times when it is just too hard to not let the gravity of the situation and sheer fear creep in to my mind.
My hardest day was the day after we first came home from the hospital. I had been at the hospital with Case for two full weeks and then all of a sudden we were home...no nurses, no doctors, no hustle and bustle. And I think I just had more time to be afraid. We didn't know at that time that he was MYC-N negative and I was just so scared that things wouldn't turn out well.
Again, as one can imagine, it's hard to function and take care of my family when I let that fear take over. It wasn't too long until I was reminded that our Heavenly Father is truly aware of us in a day to day function and wants to help us. Xavier and Graydon were at church, Case was asleep, and I was by myself thumbing through the magazine our church puts out, The Ensign, I turned right to an article called "Be of Good Cheer: Choosing Happiness." Sounds, from the title, like it was meant for me in that moment, and it truly was.
I shouldn't be surprised, since it happens all the time, that the Lord puts things in our pathway that we need. Read a paragraph from the article:
The Lord clearly promises, “In the world ye shall have tribulation” (John 16:33). When we acknowledge that we each face difficulties, that the Savior overcame the world, that He has lifted and strengthened and given vision to each of us in very personal ways, we will realize that we are never alone. We will feel a peace within even though the crisis without still rages. We will be filled with hope and even cheer. ...Amid all our mortal gloom and doom, Jesus Christ has overcome the world. Come, let us rejoice.
When reading that I could totally relate. Hard things are never taken out of our lives, we just have the option of making them easier to handle. So when I think of having Case's situation made easier for me to cope with, I respond with, "Please!!" I have truly experienced a peace that did not originate from myself. That fear that I felt the first weekend home has been eased through prayer and blessings. I do have things to be cheerful about! Case's cancer is treatable! Case is MYC-N negative! Case is home with us and happy! We have good insurance! We have the biggest and most loving support system made up of family, friends, and strangers! We have great doctors and nurses who love Case!
I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for Case and a reason for all of this yuckiness. But I also know that as his mother Heavenly Father is planning on me having a vision to see this thing through, and He'll help me, thank heavens! So each day I try to BE OF GOOD CHEER. It doesn't always happen, but I try!